Rayne (happeningtolife) wrote in ryled,


I'm really not doing well.

I've been going towards recovery.
From July to December, I lost 30lbs.  Although not underweight, I was getting other symptoms of anorexia, like hair loss, constant shivering/never able to be warm, fractured vision, dizziness when exercise, etc.  I was doing an average of 200 - 500 cals a day.

Ever since January, I've been in "recovery".
It's been really hard.  And I don't know if it's worth it.  Those 30lbs were 18% of my body weight (if you're mathematical, you can see how fucking huge I was before ...), and I've gained *much* of it back.  I still see myself as HUGE even though my "thin clothes" still fit.

I don't know.
I want to go back to starving.
I don't want to fight it anymore.

Is there really any point??
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